


Clue

by xbritomartx



Category: Parahumans Series - Wildbow
Genre: Cauldron, Gen, Post-Gold Morning, References to Clue | Cluedo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-12
Updated: 2020-10-12
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:54:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26962489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xbritomartx/pseuds/xbritomartx
Summary: Cauldron plays a game of Clue(do).Post GM. Everyone lived.
Relationships: Jeanne Wynn | Citrine/Kurt Wynn | Number Man | Harbinger, Rebecca Costa-Brown | Alexandria/Fortuna | Contessa
Comments: 5
Kudos: 21
Collections: play stupid games win stupid prizes





	Clue

Everyone important, as well as Legend and Eidolon, was busy designing a global judiciary from the ground up. Even accounting for all the work Accord had left behind, it was extremely complex and tedious.

"I want to play Clue," Fortuna announced.

"We'd love to," Jeanne said, and Fortuna's face lit up despite the obvious sarcasm. "But we can't. We're busy designing a global judiciary from the ground up. Sorry not sorry, go away, bye."

Fortuna thrust a coffee-stained index card beneath Jeanne's nose. "Mine's better."

"'Put bad guys on an another planet so nobody can see them starve,'" Jeanne read aloud. She thought about it and realized it would actually work, which enraged her. "It looks like you wrote this in pink crayon. Did you think it up halfway through breakfast?"

Alexandria locked a hand around Jeanne's wrist and maneuvered it so her hand slapped against her own face. "Jeanne, what are you doing? Stop hitting yourself," she said, continuing her assault. "Why are you hitting yourself? Stop it. Stop hitting yourself, Jeanne. Why are you doing that? Stop."

"Please do stop," Kurt said, and Alexandria did—out of respect to Kurt and not to her. 

Jeanne felt jealousy flare within her. She wasn't insecure about the vague affection-like feeling Kurt had for his erstwhile co-conspirators, but she was mad that two other people had spent twenty-five years with Kurt that she had not. It was fifty collective years of Kurt-experiencing that was not and would never be hers, and all the parts of the world that she did not control were unjust.

(There wasn't a lot of injustice around these days, but that just made what was left worse.)

"It's settled," Fortuna said, sweeping all their laptops off the table with a hand to make room for a cardboard box. "We will play Clue."

"You and what friends?" Jeanne snapped, but Kurt, the traitor, was already starting to set the board up.

Fortuna squeezed a chair between Jeanne and Alexandria and stared at the unfolding board with the vacant intensity of a cat. "No powers," she said.

"I know," Kurt says. "I won't."

Damn him, he was telling the truth. He meant to go through with this, likely because he knew they'd get no peace if they didn't. Jeanne picked up the yellow token, but in a sulky and resistant sort of way.

"I can't join you," Alexandria told Fortuna. "Memory's always on, and I can't help but go off of that."

"Ferrari," Fortuna said, irrelevantly.

Alexandria smiled and kissed the side of Fortuna's head. "Tricycle. I'll moderate." 

She took the stack of cards and turned her back so that nobody could see which guest, weapon, and room were selected as the solution, then dealt each player three of the remaining cards.

Kurt went with pink so he could be next to her, which was sweet. The dopey schlub on the other side of him was...less sweet.

"Who are you?" Jeanne asked, although she knew.

"David," he said, glaring up at her from beneath a unibrow that was trying extra hard to be a unibrow. "Eidolon, remember?"

"The moron who created the Endbringers? Somewhat, I suppose. Did I ever tell you that was very well-done?"

"Below the belt," Doctor Mother said, selecting the purple piece. "We all made mistakes."

"I didn't," Jeanne said. "Neither," she continued, as Kurt kissed her clavicle, "did Kurt."

"I did," Kurt said, once he'd repeated the action. "You had to teach me to wear pants, remember?"

"I remember," Alexandria said, with a thousand yard stare.

"Yeah, I think we all do," Eidolon said. 

"I don't," Legend said. By default, he'd been left with blue, and he didn't seem happy about it (or anything else). "I guess that was yet another secret you excluded me from."

"Livestream!" Fortuna said. She adjusted the position of her phone to make sure that all seven of them were within view, and then began the game—which, as Miss Scarlett, was her prerogative.

Jeanne instantly noticed that she was headed for the hall rather than for the lounge, which was the closest to her starting position. That meant that Fortuna didn't think she needed to go to the lounge, which in turn pointed to her having the lounge. Jeanne looked down at her cards: the conservatory, Peacock, and the ballroom, and headed off for the lounge herself.

"I suggest it was Mrs. Peacock in the lounge with the revolver," she said, hoping to force the holder of the revolver to reveal themselves. 

But it turned out that neither Kurt nor Eidolon nor Legend nor the Doctor had the revolver, and Fortuna simply showed her the lounge.

_Well-played, dumbass._

Jeanne sighed and passed the die to Kurt, who didn't roll a high enough number to get into a room. Both Legend and Eidolon attempted to discover if the revolver was among them, but Doctor Mother took a completely different approach and suggested Plum and the candlestick. Showing her customary inability to have an original thought, Fortuna copied her.

The next round and a half involved a great deal of dithering in the ballroom (it turned out that Fortuna _also_ had the revolver, which was infuriating), until, at last, David suggested the combination of Colonel Mustard and the rope. It was obvious, at least to Jeanne, that Mustard had shot Boddy; all they needed was the room.

Legend's next roll took him to the dining room, and he suggested Mustard and knife. When not a single person showed him a card, he smiled. "In that case, I accuse Colonel Mustard of killing Mr. Boddy in the dining room with the knife." 

_"_ The _knife_ ?" Eidolon asked, incredulous. 

Rebecca handed him the case file and he peeked into it. His face fell.

"You lost," Fortuna informed him.

"And," the Doctor said, rolling the die, "I won." She moved her token into the study and accused Colonel Mustard of killing Mr. Boddy in the dining room with the rope.

Jeanne cursed herself for failing to go to the dining room her first turn. She'd have figured it out if she'd gone there, she was certain. It was all Fortuna's fault, and she seethed.

"But nobody showed me the knife," Legend said.

Eidolon sighed heavily. "That's because you have it, nitwit."

"Oh," Legend said, looking down at his hand. "You know, I don't like hanging out with you guys."

He stormed out, and Eidolon and the Doctor went after him. Fortuna smiled a little as she packed the board back up, evidently pleased with how the past ten minutes had gone.

Jeanne decided to burst this bubble. "If you don't go into a room you just tell everyone else that you have the room."

Fortuna blinked at her. "I have a room?"

"Yes," Alexandria said suddenly, and scooped both Fortuna and the game box into her arms and flew out.

Jeanne slammed the door behind them. " _Do_ you think throwing criminals on another planet to fend for themselves is feasible?"

"Perhaps," Kurt said. "We'll have to consider the matter more carefully, to ensure we don't make a mistake."

"A mistake?" Jeanne asked. "Like the one you regularly made before you met me?"

Kurt nodded. 

"I actually had forgotten about that." Her hand went to the buckle of his belt. "Clearly I need a refresher."

Neither of them noticed that Fortuna had not ended her livestream.


End file.
